i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
