I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize