I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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