i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize