So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
