It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
