I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
