Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
