Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alive.
So much puke
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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