She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
