There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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