just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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