pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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