drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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