I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
