Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
