She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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