I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She tied me up with her honor cords...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
