Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Randomize
