Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
