today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Even my vagina gasped.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
