After last night, I could never be a politician.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
