I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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