my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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