There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
