dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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