If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
