i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
being pregnant is like rehab
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Randomize
