Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
