so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
