How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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