Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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