oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
