So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
