Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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