I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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