it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
