Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
