That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
