I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
