ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
