Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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