Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
