your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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