Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
