Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
