so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
