It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Randomize
