if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
