Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Randomize
