i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
