Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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