I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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