Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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