i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
