Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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