i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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