he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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