why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
