how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
