Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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