Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
