im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
