my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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