Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
