I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I woke up under a house in Key West
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
